No, there’s no word missing in the title…
Before I started this blog, I went back to my very first blog, which I started in 2004. As I read those thoughts, I was shocked. I wrote that? Seriously?!?!? I mean, I was clearly a bit on the weird side, but there was such substance to my thoughts back then. If I didn’t know better, I’d say I even had a functioning heart.
I’ve never been perfect, and there was even a time in my life when I was a full-blown psycho, but I can honestly say I used to be Christian. Although modern usage essentially limits the word ‘Christian’ to a noun, it started out as an adjective. The word, by definition, is clearly descriptive, so even though it was a name (noun) back then as well, the usage suggests that ‘Christian’ was first an adjective (if only in the minds of those who coined the term), which became a noun when used collectively. Those early church dudes were so like Christ that they called them ‘Christians’. (I doubt it was a term of endearment, by the way).
There was no parting of the sky, no grand herald of the changes taking place in my heart, but somehow, it became easier to be cold… easier to not care… easier to use curse words in my head… easier to say yes to things that should be automatic NOs… easier to ignore that Voice extending an invitation to discover His heart, to grow in love, and to be loved by Love… easier to close my heart (dubious as its existence is) to the changes that years of devouring Scripture had wrought.
I’m too much a creature of habit to overtly deviate from a lifetime of teaching, but there’s a nice little phrase for that: going through the motions. See, in the same way there’s no wake-up-and-suddenly-you’re-in-love, there’s no wake-up-and-suddenly-you’re-far-from-God. Baby steps lead to giant leaps, and maybe it’s skipping devotions, or holding that little grudge, or listening to that one little song that you know is gonna leave your mind in a dangerous place… just flirting with danger, as if sin exists for any purpose but the destruction of the human soul. I don’t know what your story is, but this is mine. I used to be Christian… and God, in His nice gently-smack-you-upside-the-head way, is pulling me back towards Him.
The journey to God’s heart is never easy, but it is worth it. Jesus is the Way.
A me one a wicked? (Ehem, does anyone have a similar experience?)
37 Behold, I will gather them out of all countries where I have driven them in My anger, in My fury, and in great wrath; I will bring them back to this place, and I will cause them to dwell safely.
38 They shall be My people, and I will be their God; 39 then I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear Me forever, for the good of them and their children after them.
40 And I will make an everlasting covenant with them, that I will not turn away from doing them good; but I will put My fear in their hearts so that they will not depart from Me. 41 Yes, I will rejoice over them to do them good, and I will assuredly plant them in this land, with all My heart and with all My soul.’